Thursday, April 18, 2013

Why I struggle with gay marriage

There are a lot of hot topics in politics right now. Gun safety. National finances. Marriage equality.

I generally don't post my views on such things on Facebook and Twitter because of their public nature. I don't want to force my views on things on other people. But I feel as though my blog is my space. It's my turf and I can say whatever I want. I ask only that you respect that. The following is my opinion. Debates are healthy but bashing on someone's beliefs is low. Please, just don't.

I have yet to figure out how I feel about legalizing gay marriage. I am conflicted between my own beliefs and the desire not to force them on others.

I do not believe that gay marriage is right. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman and that marriage is something that should be respected and revered. It is a commitment between man and woman to live life together and rear to a family.

But at the same time, I don't want to force my beliefs on others. I believe that everyone should have the choice as to who they want to marry. We should be free to use our agency. Just as I believe it to be wrong, there are others that strongly feel it is okay. It is their right to feel that way. I can live my life the way I want and they have the same right.

But how much do you tolerate something you don't believe in?

It is similar to drinking. I don't drink and that is a personal decision. But I know many people who do. I don't think any less of those individuals. I would never try to force my standards on them in an attempt to stop them from drinking. I try to avoid putting myself in a situation that that has a lot of drinking. I avoid parties that I know will have a lot of alcohol.

Gay marriage is similar to this. I know several people who are gay and I don't think any less of them. They are people just like anyone else. I just don't agree with some of their decisions. But gay marriage aside, I don't agree with a lot of decisions people make.

If the legalization of gay marriage came down to a citizen vote, I don't know side I would choose. I wouldn't want to vote for it because I don't want to support it. On the other hand, I would be tempted to vote for it because no one should have their agency taken away.

It's something I struggle with. I know what I believe and how I have chosen to live. Everyone should have that right. Am I contradicting my own beliefs by saying that?



  1. You're definitely not contradicting your own beliefs. I clicked on your title in hopes of getting my own answers. I agree with you fully. On every. single. word. I also don't believe that marriage is a right.

    However, it's hard to find a happy medium, and a balance between the two. I agree with you girl. If you figure anything out, please holler at me. haha! Because I am on that boat with ya.

  2. I applaud you on your choice to do a blog on such a difficult topic to speak about.

  3. I think I feel quite similar to you. And I wouldn't say you are contradicting your own beliefs. From the very beginning, you chose a plan of agency. You chose Christ's plan of choice. I have never been one to force what I believe on others and I think one reason why is because I strongly believe in agency. Also, I strongly believe that I am definitely not one to judge. So this is a topic I really struggle with as well. While I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, I do not believe I have the right to impose on the rights of others. It's a sticky situation. I am so glad you wrote this post though. It's nice to know I am not alone in feeling torn. :)

  4. I was glad to see your post because I think it is something that most people struggle with. Almost everyone knows someone, or is related to someone, who is gay. I agree with Amanda that marriage isn't a right. I believe that gay couples can have a recognized relationship that gives them benefits similar to a married couple but I don't like changing the definition of marriage. I think it opens up a can of worms that we don't know where it will end. There is research that shows the best thing for kids is to be raised by a mom and dad. I think most of our social problems are due to the weakening of the family structure. Much of this was done when the divorce laws were loosened because people didn’t think it was any of their business what happened in other people’s houses and didn’t want to push their beliefs on other people. Now, we’re all suffering the repercussions of that. We don’t know what, if any, repercussions there will be with gay marriage. Some people will point to states that have gay marriage and say nothing has happened there. However, anyone who has ever looked at research doesn’t just accept a few years of data. The only way to know what will happen on a large scale is to approve gay marriage but, once it’s done, there’s no going back.

    Friends of mine will tell me that just because a gay couple gets married, that doesn’t change my marriage. I disagree. While my relationship with Kevin isn’t different, socially it devalues the roles that mothers and fathers play in raising their children. This brings another criticism to me because I’m now a single mom. The difference is that neither Kevin nor I would CHOOSE for me to be a single mom; we wouldn’t do that on purpose. I also know the importance of a father figure for kids so I make sure to provide as much “fatherly” influence as possible with my brothers-in-law and people like your dad. From what I’ve seen from gay couples, they believe they are enough as parents and don’t recognize the differences between male and female influence on kids. I haven’t seen a lot of reaching out to make sure their children get a motherly or fatherly influence from someone of the correct gender.

    I have no doubt how I would vote if this came to a vote of the people. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about my cousins or friends who are gay. All of our laws are based on beliefs of the people about what is best for society. People use the "don't push your beliefs on me" as a way to shut people up by making them feel guilty. I doubt people thing about the consequences of this to churches who don’t believe in gay marriage if this passes nationally. Talk about pushing beliefs on others. Regardless of how people try to intimidate me by calling me hateful or uncaring, I have to stand up for marriage between a man and woman.

  5. I love that you posted this. I wish I was just as brave!! I found your blog from the Facebook blogger group, and I just have to say that I love writing. I wish I could work in writing and do that for a living. Hopefully some day!!


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