Failure

Maybe everyone goes through times where they feel like they have failed miserably. Or maybe it's just me. Either way, as much as I hate to admit it, I have failed.

A few weeks ago, I was on top of the world. Everything seemed to be going just right and the pieces of my life appeared to be finally falling together to create a neat little picture of the life I always wanted. But last week, all that came crashing down and exploded in my face. I felt extremely helpless as I watched my life fall apart and there was nothing I could do. I feel like life gave me just a small glimpse of the things I wanted and have worked hard to achieve and then rudely takes it all away. I'm sure Fate is laughing at me from afar.

I feel like a failure and a disappointment. I was so sure that I was going to get a really cool internship this summer and get lots of really neat experience while meeting awesome people. And then I would come back to school and not have to worry about money and just enjoy my senior year. By all indications, I was so sure things were going to work out just that way I wanted. But then day after day I got my answers. No. No. Nope. No. I was denied everything I had hoped for and counted on. Now I am back at the beginning and have to figure things out all over again. It's almost overwhelming to think about. I had counted on that scholarship, I had prayed for that internship, I had hoped for that job. And those were just some of the big things. Even the small things were going wrong.

I was so devastated that it effected me physically. I couldn't sleep and I just felt horrible all the time. I didn't want to do anything and all my motivation for school was suddenly gone. I honestly felt like crying all the time.

I think it's a human shortcoming to compare ourselves to others. I know I do it. And while everyone around me is achieving their dreams and doing great things with their lives, I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck and not moving forward. In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm actually moving backwards. It seems like all the forces are fighting against me and everything I do takes a substantial amount of effort while everyone else achieves things effortlessly.

For three short weeks, I felt like I was on Cloud 9. Looking back, I feels like it was all a dream and that I blindly, and even naively, believed that something that awesome would actually happen to me. I should have known better and then maybe, just maybe, I would have saved myself from this disappointment.

xoxo
-Sam

It Will All Work Out

Everyone is getting married.

And having babies.

And some are doing the baby thing first.

But then there's me.

Still single.

And doing the college thing.

Sometimes I feel like I am behind.

But I just need to remember,

that everyone grows up differently.

And it's not that I am still a child.

Because I'm not.

I'm an adult with different priorities.

And that's okay.

I don't have to be like everyone else.

I'm doing my own thing at my own pace.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

We just all go in our different directions.

And what I need to keep in mind is this:

There is someone out there just for me.

And I will meet him when it's the right time.

For both of us.

xoxo,

Samantha

The Dating Problem

My generation has a twisted understanding of dating. A lot of young people believe that dating = hanging out.

But I am here to tell you that this is not true. They are entirely different and separate activities.

So let's break it down. What do we know about hanging out?

1. Usually unplanned. This is when you get a conversation similar to this: "So what do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" "I don't know..."

2. Everyone pays for themselves.

3. These hang outs are typically with the same people. Doing the same thing.

4. You are secretly wishing you were on a date with that one guy instead of sitting around having the what-do-you-want-to-do conversation.

Okay, now what about dating?

1. They are (should) be planned. Those unplanned dates are rough. And awkward.

2. The guy pays.

3. To achieve the best dating experience, date a lot of different people. And do different things. Don't get me wrong, those dinner and a movie dates have their purpose. But are not for the sixth date.

4. You are happy because you are actually on a date. It makes you feel kind of special.

So how and why has our society turned good, old-fashioned dating into hanging out? They are obviously not the same thing. I'm not going to pretend to have the answer because I don't. What I do know is this: dating has taken a back-seat while hanging out has moved in front and center.

Bottom line: Guys don't ask girls out enough. And when that date does come around the girl takes it really seriously and that can freak a guy out. So they just don't ask girls out as often until they are really serious about settling down. So less people are dating and in the mean time, we are all getting old and even more single with every passing day.

This is it.

Remember what it was like to be 7 years old? When you dreamed of the future and when you thought those teenage girls were so cool with their cars and boyfriends.They got to wear make-up, have pretty clothes and stay out late.

I remember those girls. I remember Chloe, Susan and Heidi (names have been changed to protect the innocent). They were so cool and I remember how I wanted to be like them. I couldn't wait to grow up. Because then I would get my drivers license, have my first kiss and go to high school. And then I would go to college and have a successful career. I couldn't wait for the future and actually believed that all my dreams would come true.

But I'm just now realizing that the future is here.

Driving is no longer exciting, I have graduated high school, my first kiss has come and gone, boys are still just as dumb and I am actually going to college.


The future is no longer this abstract idea. The future that I dreamed about as a little kid is here. It is very much the present and today's reality.

And the big question is: Was it everything I thought it would be?

No.

With less than six months remaining of my teenage years, I can't help but reflect on what I thought it would be and what it really was.

High school wasn't as glamorous as it is made out to be in the movies. In fact, some of my worst memories are from high school. Driving isn't exciting now as it was when I was 16 due to car payments, gas and insurance.

Now that I am an adult, I realize that I don't know and can't handle everything. The perception we get from our parents and other adults in our younger years are not exactly true. When I was younger, I almost half expected to receive this large amount of knowledge when I turned 18. Or maybe even 19. Or maybe it's yet to come when I turn 20. But adults really don't know everything.

Part of me wants to be a little kid again. Everything seemed so much simpler then.

xoxo

Sammy