When I look back on this summer, one word comes to mind: whirlwind.
I apologize for my unplanned hiatus from blogging. Last night was the first time in awhile that I wanted to write or even had something to right about. There is something about strong, intense emotions that makes me want to write. Confusion. Frustration. Hurt. Sadness. Anger. Indifference. Loneliness. Failure. All negative emotions, and because of this, I have decided against publishing the post I just wrote. No, for now it will remain merely a draft and maybe one day I will make it public. One day when I feel more removed from the situation. But maybe not, because maybe I wrote it just for me.
This summer has been so great and also so frustrating. It was one of the best and one of the worst. A summer filled with vacations and adventures, excitement and disappointment. I cherish those memories of boys and those late night we filled with long talks while sneaking a few kisses. But for now, I can't think of those things without wanting to cry. I hope that one day I can look back and smile at the memories.
This morning I played racquetball with my mom. It was the last thing I wanted to do after everything. But there I was hitting that ball as hard as I could and the sweatier and more tired I got, the better I felt. I found myself smiling and laughing at our crazy swings. It was in that moment that I felt a glimmer of hope and the realization that maybe everything will be okay. Eventually. I guess it's true what they say, exercise can make you feel better.
There is so much more that I want to say but I also don't want to regret anything in the future. So I guess that is why this post is vague and somewhat depressing. But it is brutally honest and transparent. I feel that it accurately portrays how I am feeling right now...
