Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Why do we go through difficult things?

I don't think it's any secret that the last month has been especially difficult for me. Ever since the breakup, life has been hard. I've debated for awhile if this was something I wanted to blog about but I just need to get it all out. But even now I struggle to find the words to describe how I am feeling.

For awhile right after it happened, it was surreal. I couldn't believe what had happened. I didn't see it coming and I thought we were fine. More than fine actually; I thought we were great. And then I was blindsided that night when he broke it off. And now, a little more than a month later, I am finally accepting what happened. I am forcing myself to try to find the purpose and reason for it all. I just don't believe that it happened for no reason. I am desperately trying to find the "why" and to start putting some pieces back together in order to move on.

I'm not sure if it's closure I'm searching for. I've talked with him a few times since then I think we are good with each other. It's not the why we had to end that I'm searching for. I don't think that's something I'll ever fully understand although he's tried to fill in the blanks as much as possible. It's the answers for why I have to go through this hurt and pain that I am yearning for.

I still care for him and miss him like crazy but I honestly think we could actually be one of the few who can make the "just friends" thing work. We were friends for a long time before we started dating so there's no reason why we couldn't be friends now. I don't hate him and I'm not mad at him. I just feel sad about everything.

I've always been one to search for the reason in every little thing. It's easier for me to cope with something if I can see the big picture. But I just can't figure this one out.


  1. Break ups are hard to go through regardless of how it happens. You've been with someone for a certain amount of time and then all of a sudden they're not there anymore, it's hard and lonely. I've only been through one serious break up so I am no expert but what helped me is to surround myself with friends and family. Stay occupied with things that'll keep your mind off of him and that relationship you had with him, so you won't feel too much pain from it. It's strange when you want to find closure but not sure what kind of closure, maybe it'll be best to leave it like it is and call it good if both of you are on good terms? But take your time to heal and come to terms with this being-single-thing, it can take some time to get use to! ;)
    My name is Camille btw.... glad I found your blog, it's something I'll enjoy reading I am sure if it!

  2. you have no idea how much I understand the "why". It sucks. I am so so sorry. I am still trying to figure that out. You are not alone and if you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. :)


09 10 11 12
Blogging tips