What a year!

So 2012 was a big year! There were happy and sad times. Laughing and crying. As I sit at the kitchen table at my parents' house, I can't help but reflect on the year and smile at the memories. I have changed a lot this past year and I am so different from who I was a year ago. Progression is a good thing and as I look forward to 2013 and all it has in store for me, I get a little excited. The year 2013 is going to be even bigger and better. I am graduating, (hopefully) getting a job and moving out of Logan where I have lived for the last three years. But the good doesn't come without the bad. Leaving Logan also means leaving some of the best friends I have ever had and that will be incredibly hard to do.

And so I sit here at the table staring out the window at the freshly fallen snow and thinking about the past year, I notice the light bouncing off the white snow and it catches my eye. And as much as I don't like snow, I have to admit that it is beautiful outside. And I realize that everything that has happened - good and bad - is in the past and my future is as bright as the snow out the window.

And with that, I'll leave you with this picture. The view from my window of the peaceful and snow covered world outside.

Snow and Service

People always seem to be a little more thoughtful during Christmas. But I'm glad to see that people are still caring even after Christmas is over. It gives me a little hope for the future.

This morning I left for work and I knew it was going to be a scary drive even before I gotten out of the driveway. The roads were unplowed and it was snowing hard. But I took it slow just like my mom had always taught me to do in bad driving conditions. It took me twice as long as normal to get the gas station. My little door to my gas tank was frozen shut and I couldn't scrape the ice off until a kind man cam and helped me open it. He stayed and talked with me while I filled up my car to make sure I made it on my way.

I slowly drove to the freeway as I worried about whether that would be plowed. The city roads were not. The on-ramp was covered in snow and slush and I could feel the tires spinning as I tried to get my car onto the freeway. I started getting really nervous and wondered how I would ever make it to Salt Lake. My plan was to stay in the far right lane and just take it slow. I barely made it 1,000 feet on the freeway before I slid off the road. My whole body was tense and my heart was beating fast. As soon as my car came to a stop I lost it. I sat on the side of the road crying my eyes out. I called my parents and they were going to come help push my car back to the road.

As I was waiting and watching all the other cars drive by, a big truck pulled off the road and out jumped four men. They came over to my car and offered to push it out. They were able to easily get my car out and going again. I was so relieved and grateful for their kindness. They told me that they were spending their morning driving around helping people who had slid off the road. Who even does that? It showed me that there really are nice people in the world. So I am taking their kindness and I am going pass on their act of service to someone else. It meant the world to me and if I could make the same amount of difference in someone else's life, I would be happy.

So after an hour and a half and never even making it out of Layton, I decided that it wasn't worth trying to drive to Salt Lake. So I am back at my parents' house writing this post and reflecting on the good people left in the world. I want to be one of those people.

I'll be home for Christmas

I finally get to go home for the Christmas break tomorrow. Maybe that will make it feel more like Christmas. Despite the holiday decorations and Christmas shopping, I'm not feeling very Christmas-y. I'm having a hard time realizing that Christmas is in two days. Well one really if you begin the festivities on Christmas Eve like my family does. It's weird for me to think that in a few short days, Christmas will be over. I definitely missed the Christmas season this year.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am still in Logan in an empty -- well, nearly empty apartment. I'm pretty sure there's a roommate or two still around but I can't be sure because I never see anyone. So I'm still in Logan and working. I am working full time over the break and it sucks. My job can be so incredibly boring sometimes. Most of the time, actually.

Or maybe it's because I missed out on a lot of the family Christmas traditions this year. I missed concerts and plays, service projects and breakfast with Santa. And I haven't even made it to Temple Square to see the lights yet. I'm not sure if it's going to happen at this point but my fingers are crossed.

Or maybe it's it's because I've missed out on all the Christmas preparation. Decorating the house, putting up the Christmas trees, setting up the nativity. One of my favorite Christmas-y things to do is watch my dad watch Christmas Vacation. Seriously, though. Watching him watch it is one of the most entertaining things and is sometimes better than watching the movie itself. Maybe I can talk him in to watching it again with me. Despite the countless times he has seen it, the reaction is always the same: uncontrollable laughter.

I'm really not the Scrooge this all makes me sound like. I really do love Christmas. I just wasn't able to do all the things I look forward to every year. I did get to see The Forgotten Carols with my family last week. That's probably been the highlight of my Christmas season. I love the message it shares and it's a wonderful way to spend a winter evening with the family.

So tomorrow I am heading south to my parents' house for the holidays. And you better believe that I am going to make the sure the next three days are jam-packed with Christmas cheer.

xoxo,
sam

Dear Boys: Split Personality

Dear W,

I finally saw a shooting star.

You weren't here to share that moment,

But I still enjoyed it.

Sam

Dear Lion,

I'm still waiting for that phone call.

Impatiently waiting,

Sammy

Dear Castle,
I miss what we had.
I didn't realize what it was until it was gone.
Now I have only myself to blame.
Your friemd,
Sammy

Dear MB,
I think you're the greatest.
Ever.
Seriously.
Love,
Sam

Be Brave

A few days ago, my friend posted on her blog about being brave which prompted this post. Bravery is something that has been on my mind for a long time. It's something I'm struggling with now. I have this fear. This crippling fear that sends me into a panic and prompts an anxiety attack whenever a situation arises. I am now facing this fear head on and I am trying to be brave. I want to be brave. But this fear, it has such a strong hold on me and my emotions. Whenever I have to face this situation, I worry about it for days. It consumes my thoughts and I can't think of anything else. I lose my appetite and and I can't sleep. There is this constant knot in my stomach. It's hard to function normally.

But I am trying to be brave. This is a trial in my life and I don't think I will ever fully overcome this fear but it is something I am trying to work on. I have chosen to do something that forces me to face my fear. It's not going to be easy. I know it's going to be hard. It's okay to have fears but it's not healthy for that fear to take over your life to the point that makes it difficult to function.



I hope I can do this.

End of semester thoughts

The timing is a little late because of finals and projects. But now that my worst semester is over, I feel totally valid about writing in my blog. I don't feel guilty because I am not working on some project or studying for some test.

I have good news to share: I got an internship! Starting in January, I will be a communications intern at Logan Regional Hospital.

This is all happening so perfectly. I am only taking two classes so I will have time to work and do my internship. The arrangements couldn't be better. Next semester shouldn't be nearly as busy as last semester was.

This semester was the most crazy, most stressful, most trying but most rewarding semester yet. Every hour of my day was scheduled and at times I felt like I was so hopelessly behind with no hope of catching up. But I feel a sense of accomplishment now being done. I am that much closer to graduation and with the most of my classroom learning behind me, I am ready for the experiences my internship will bring.